Sunday, November 22, 2009
My mother in law just wont let up, she keeps on at me. Everything I do today is wrong, or not the "Japanese' way. Just because I live here dosent mean I have to follow all their rules. Does it?
Mother in law keeps telling me that Naoto is meant to have teeth by now but he hasnt got any. Yet. I am sure they will come through though. Why does she care? She is not going to get bitten by him, I will when I breastfeed though as he still loves the breast.
He is only 6 months for gods sake. Why does she worry about that? She also tries to get me to give him powdered milk. I always heard breast is best, but she doesnt think so. I think though if I give him powdered milk that will give her an excuse to take him away from me. Thats what she wants, I know it. Because she thinks I am an unfit mother.
Life sucks. I wish Toshi was at home more. Even when he is on the road he rarely messages me.
Today is one of those days I really want to leave and go home anf forget about this stupid nightmare life.
I dont even know if things wuld be changed if we had our own place becaue I would still be on my own, still be lonely.
I live in Nagoya with my 6 month old boy, Naoto, my husband Toshi and his parents (((frown))). Toshi works away alot and I am left with his parents continually, just me and Naoto.
It got old really quickly let me tell you.
Its not an ideal situation at all, in fact I really hate it.
But what can I do. At the moment we dont have the money to move out so I have to stay put. Only thing is that his parents make me crazy and they contstantly try to tell me how to raise Naoto.
I might be in Japan but I am not willing to do these crazy old traditions like they want me to!
Also. Its so lonely here. I dont know any other english people so I am stuck with Japanese people always. I just about pull my hair out some days out of frustration.
I really hate Nagoya its not where I want to live. I would rather go to Tokyo but Toshi got a job here out of school and obviously his parents live here so I am stuck here too.
Toshi is a truck driver and does long haul trips so I see him about once or twice a week if I am lucky.
Franckly my life sucks. I am not really sure how to change it. I am stuck in this situation and dont know what to do. I have thought about divorce because I dont want to be in this situation for the rest of my life.
I love Naoto but some days I feel as if I could leave him behind and go home. I just dont feel as if I am myself here. And if I could go home maybe I could leave it behind like a bad dream.
Even my baby doesnt look like me so I dont feel as if something is holding me here but I have to make the effort to leave and at the moment I have no effort inside of me to leave.
Its a rather sad post I know.
At the moment I have nothing psoitive to say. Sad huh.